Coffee Crazy
by Cookieninja450
Summary: Someone has stolen all the coffee! Halt thinks its Will, but Will didn't do it. Halt goes completely crazy from no coffee! He thinks Will is the enemy, and his memory is woozy. Can Will survive Halt's Coffee madness? Read And REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Will poured himself a steaming mug of coffee. He spooned in some honey, a trick he had learned from Halt. He sat down and took a long, deep sip. He closed his eyes.

Ahhh.. Sweet, sweet coffee. It was the drink that all rangers survived on. It let them work and function properly. Without it, Will was pretty sure he'd either become a raving lunatic, or a he would sprout wings and become a butterfly. Or die. Whichever came first.

He opened his eyes. Halt was quiet and grim as usual, also taking long, deep sips.

Will decided to start a conversation. "So, Halt, do you think you could survive without coffee?" Halt thought for a moment, then shook his head.

" No. If I tried to, I'd either go mad, or turn into a flower. Why are you staring at me like that?" Will chortled. "The legendary Halt, the man who led an army, whose 8 feet tall, is fierce, brave, and strong, a flower?" Halt glared at him.

"A fierce flower, maybe a rose, with thorns," Will guffawed. "A rose? You should give one of those to Pauline!" Halt gave him a dangerous look, and Will immediately closed his mouth.

"After a few minutes, he asked, "What kind of flower am I?" Halt raised an eyebrow. "You're not a flower, you're a weed," Then, Halt shook his head. "No, you're a dandelion, a flower and a weed," Will pretended to look hurt, then, realizing something, looked at Halt.

"Dandelions are flowers, not weeds," he said. "No, they are weeds," Halt replied. "No, if they have petals, a stem, and leaves, they are a flower," Will argued. "They are very hard to get rid of, and they're everywhere!" Halt said, annoyed.

"I'm telling you, they're flowers!" Will stood up. "NO, they are WEEDS!" Halt yelled, rising.

"FLOWERS!" Will yelled. "WEEDS!" Halt shouted. They both glared at each other, then, walked away. Halt went to his room, and Will ran outside, slamming the door.

Will was walking to the stables to talk to Tug, when he saw what Halt and him had been arguing about. A patch of yellow dandelions. He stooped, ripped one out of the grass, and snapped it in half.

He then walked inside, and, having cooled down, knocked on Halt's door. Halt walked out. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. You have your opinions, and I have mine," Will murmured.

Halt's softened. " It's okay, Will," he mumbled gruffly. And, then, they smiled at each other.

**Dandelions are actually both! Isn't that funny? I came up with the idea for this chapter because today my friend and I were arguing about exactly the same thing. I searched on Google, and it said they are both. So, you know what to do, Just click the magical review button and I'll add more chapters! (:**


	2. Chapter 2

Will awoke with a start. He frowned. What had woke him up? Then, he remembered. Someone had shouted. Halt! He jumped out of bed, drew his Saxe knife, and edged toward the door.

He inched it open. Halt was standing there, looking at something. "Halt?" Halt looked up and glared at him. "Why did you do it?" Halt yelled. "Do what?" Will asked, startled. He pointed to the coffee cabinet. The bag of coffee beans were not there.

"Where are the coffee beans?" Will said alarmed by both Halt's behavior and the sight of the empty coffee cabinet.

"You tell me, thief!" Halt shouted. Will realized what Halt was saying. "I didn't steal it!" Will shouted back.

"You're getting back at me for saying dandelions are weeds! I thought that was the end of it! You apologized and we smiled at each other. BUT THIS MEANS WAR!" Halt yelled.

Will stood there, shocked. Puzzled. Angry. Confused. Then, he ducked as Halt launched a coffee mug at his head.

Halt had a crazy grin on his face, and the look in his eyes told him that he was mad. "Now, Halt, let's not do something we might regret," Halt laughed.

"Someone might get hurt!" Will said, panicked. Halt looked very serious. VERY. He dodged a plate and yelled, "you don't want to do this!" But the look in Halt's eyes told him he did.


	3. Chapter 3

Will made a mad dash for his room. Halt, seeing what he was doing, started after him. Will stopped and Halt came crashing into him.

.

Will took a deep breath and turned around. "This isn't a fair fight. Let me get some missiles and ammo and weapons for myself first, then we shall resume," Halt raised an eyebrow.

After what seemed like a century, Halt grunted. "Fine!" Will smiled. I just need two minutes. He went into his room and closed the door. "Hey! What are you doing closing the door!" Halt yelled.

"I can't let you see what weapons I'm using," Will's muffled voice floated back to him. Halt frowned. But inside his room, Will was doing nothing like that. He was silently opening the windows, then grabbing his saxe knife and cloak.

" 2 minutes are up! Get out here!" Halt shouted. He had an uneasy feeling about letting Will in there alone. "Just a minute!" Will replied. Halt frowned. Something was definitely wrong.

"Will! Open this door!" Silence. Halt cursed. He kicked the door down, and saw Will's window open.

He quickly leapt gracefully out the window and saw Will riding in the distance, with a two minute head start.

Halt didn't have time to saddle Abelard. He rode bareback. "Get back here!" He screamed. Will didn't look back. He rode and rode and rode, but Halt couldn't catch him. He finally stopped, shouting, "When you come back, I will be ready, and I will beat you!"

Will grimaced. What was he going to do? He would have to come back. He then thought this could actually get interesting. He decided that when he got back, he would be ready, too. But first he needed to get to Castle Redmont.

1 hour later…..

Will rode straight to Redmont, and asked for a room. He was granted one. He then, after giving Tug an apple, walked to the battle school.

He found his friend Horace on the way, exactly who he wanted to see. Horace was surprised. "Will! Hello there!" Will smiled. "Hello, Horace," Horace asked, would you like to have lunch at the inn?" "Sure," Will mumbled.

At the inn, Will explained why he was here. At the end, Horace burst out laughing. Will sighed. "Will you help me?" Horace then frowned.

"I can't teach you anything, but I can give you some advice on weaponry," Will nodded. "Okay then, lets get started!" Horace said cheerfully. "Meet me here tomorrow," He said, rising. "I have to get back to training,"

Will suddenly wondered if he had made the right choice for help.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well," Horace began, " The first thing I should teach you is which weapons NOT to use," Will nodded. "Under any circumstances, you CAN NOT use glass, pickles, velvet or bunnies," Horace said.

Will stared at him. "Why the devil would I use any of those things?" Horace shrugged. "You never know," Horace smiled.

"Now, here are the weapons you probably should use," Horace said. He took a deep breath and then rushed, "You should use spoons, leaves, chipmunks, books, apples, quills, eggs, and pillows,"

Will stared at him once again. "Horace! Why the devil would I need ANY of those things?"

Horace started, "You could throw the books, and if they're heavy, they're bound to hurt, chipmunks actually hurt a lot, apples, because if you feed them to Tug, he'll do anything you want, even attack Halt, eggs because they're just plain evil, and pillows because they look harmless at first, but if you put something heavy in them they hurt!"

Horace stopped and took a long, deep breath, while Will stared at him with new founded respect.

"Wow," he breathed.

"Now go and defeat Halt!" Horace yelled. Will nodded.

Later that day, after he had gathered his weapons, rode back to Halt's cabin. He saw Halt standing there, a smile on his face, cups, pickles, bricks, flowers, a catapult, and sticks all piled high behind him.

Halt had gotten his weapons also. He stopped Tug and smiled at Halt.

The war had begun.


	5. Chapter 5

Will got off Tug. He gave Tug one more apple, and then he was ready to go. Halt picked up a cup and stared at him. Silence. More silence. Finally, Will couldn't stand it anymore.

"For COFFEE!" he yelled his battle cry. Halt loaded the catapult with cups then cut the string. Five glittering cups flew toward him. He dodged all of them. He tried to remember what Horace had said.

Glass? No, he was told not to use that. Books! He reached over and grabbed a book on plants. He swung his arm back, and then threw. It Halt right on the nose. Halt yelled and then glared and released another launch of cups,

Will reached into his saddlebags and pulled out a rabid chipmunk. With foam at the corners of its mouth. He threw that at Halt too, and it landed on his face.

"AHHHH! GET IT OFF ME!" Halt screamed. The chipmunks was clawing at his nose and was sitting on his eyes.

While Halt ran around screaming, Will quietly slipped into the woods, with Tug at his side.

Will smiled. He ran and ran. He finally stopped, looking around. This seemed like a good spot to camp. He sat down and started a fire.

While eating dry strips of beef, he observed his weapons and thought of what to do next.

If Halt happened to find his camp, he would tell Tug to get him, then slip off. If Halt started after him, he would then start the eggs. He remembered what Horace had said. _"Eggs are just plain evil!" _

He wondered why Horace thought eggs were evil. He'd have to ask him.

_2 HOURS LATER… _

Will was sipping water when Halt came bursting through the trees. "AHHH!" Will yelled. Halt smiled a devilish smiled. Will remembered his plan.

"TUG, NOW!" Tug looked at Halt and galloped toward him. Halt ran. But Tug easily caught up to him. He rammed into him.

Will was running. And running. When he stopped, he sat down and waited for Tug.

When Tug came he asked, "How'd it go?" Tug looked at him. _If you can believe it, he's up against a tree, quivering like a baby. _Will was startled. "Wow, what'd you do to him?"

Tug snorted. _You don't want to know._

Will agreed. " I am pretty sure I don't."

**You likie? The rabid chipmunk thing was funny. Eggs are plain evil. it's a fact. REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

Will yawned. He was getting drowsy. _No! Don't go to sleep! Then Halt will sneak up on you and then…_he didn't want to know what would happen then.

Will got out the eggs. Time for some fun. He slipped in and out of the shadows and back to the cabin. Halt was inside, but it looked like he was in his room.

Will slowly creaked the door open. He stepped inside slowly. He got a big bowl out. He took the eggs out and started cracking them. He cracked a dozen, all silently.

He mixed it all together. He placed the bowl on the top of Halt's door, which was creaked open. He then took a deep breath, yelled and then started sprinting.

He heard Halt run through the door but, as soon as he did, the bowl came crashing on his head. Halt's head was covered in the mixture.

"ARRRGGHHHH!" Halt yelled. Will grinned. This is stunt would give him some time to prepare for his final, and most effective, hilarious, and dangerous attack. It was going to be epic.

He was back at his campsite in four minutes. Tug looked at him. _Did it work?_ Will smiled. "It sure did!"

Tug then gave him a long stare which Will translated to either "_Your last attack will be dangerous and you might not pull it off. Are you sure you will be okay?" _or "_Give me more apples!"_

With Tug, you never knew.

Will started to gather his supplies for the last attack. It required going back to the cabin and getting the most important weapon. After he finished, he sat against a log and fell asleep in front of the fire.

His last thought was, _I hope my attack will work. _

_If I get caught, Halt will almost certainly kill me._

**I thought the egg thing was sorta lame. Three or four more chapters to go! REVIEW! Tomorrow, ( I think) you will find out what Will's last attack is! *evil laughing* HA HA HA HA HAA!**


	7. Chapter 7

Will slowly crept toward the cabin. Phase one of his plan was in progress. He yelled.

Halt came rushing out. "What the- AAHHHHHHH!" Halt screamed.

Will had Halt's precious blueberries in his hand. All of them. And he was stuffing them in his mouth. And chewing. Very slowly.

He then started feeding them to his rabid chipmunk. It gobbled them up. "Will… stop.. PLEASE!" Halt sobbed.

Will grinned. It wasn't over yet. He started throwing them. They hit Halt in the face. He sobbed even louder.

Phase two was now starting. Will opened his bag, then took out his mandola. "NO! anything but that! Will, I'll do anything! ANYTHING!" Halt begged. Will shook his head and started playing.

"_Greybeard Halt is a friend of mine, he lives on Redmont Hill!" _Will sang. Halt cried. _Greybeard Halt never took a bath, and they say he never will," _Will was quite enjoying this.

"_Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, fare thee well I say!" _Halt wasn't making anymore noise, Will thought.

_Fare thee well, Greybeard Halt, I'll see you on your wayyyy!" _Will frowned. More silence. Something wasn't right.

He heard a rustle to his left, and immediately took off. Halt was right behind him, with his saxe knife.

Will ran for his dear life. He eventually lost Halt. But then, he just went back to the cabin, to put phase three, his most dangerous phase, into place.

All right. Three.. Two…one.. NOW! He released the cage of rabid chipmunks. Then he settled down to watch. This should be fun.

Halt ran around the whole forest, screaming for mercy. But Will wasn't going to give him any.

He eventually ran into the lake. He stayed there for five minutes, then came out. Will laughed.

It was time for him to get some food. He hoped he would find a rabbit. But he found something different.

He was walking along the game path, when, he stepped on to a particular piece of grass, and fell into a deep hole. He immediately realized it was a trap. Merely seconds later, Halt showed up. He laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

"You should have never underestimated your teacher," he hissed. "Now, feel pain!" And then he dropped a rabid chipmunk in there. And then he walked away.

HALF AN HOUR LATER…..

Halt came back to find Will sniffling. He smiled. He offered a hand, which Will took.

"Look, I am sorry about this whole thing." Halt said quietly. "You obviously didn't take the coffee, so I am sorry about calling you a thief." Will looked up.

"I am sorry too." And they both smiled at each other. When they got back to the cabin, Will spotted a bag of Halt's coffee beans.

"What the-?" Halt smiled. "While you were away at Redmont, I decided to go buy some more coffee," Will smiled. He knew Halt probably wouldn't survive that long.


	8. Chapter 8

A few days later, Halt and Will were at the market, and they saw Horace. They all decided to have lunch together at the inn.

Horace stopped eating and cleared his throat. "Um, well, I have something to tell you guys," Will and Halt stopped eating and looked over at Horace. "Yes?"

"You know that war you had a few days ago?" Will nodded. "Who could forget?" Will laughed. Halt wasn't laughing. He could tell this was serious.

"Well, I… I.. was the.. I.." Will stared. "For god sake, Horace, spit it out!" Horace took a deep breath, then rushed, " I was the one who stole all your coffee!"

Will and Halt stared at Horace, then looked at each other, and nodded.

10 MINUTES LATER…

Horace was tied to a tree, and a rabid chipmunk was all over him. "It was just a joke!" he begged. But they didn't listen. They laughed. And laughed.

And laughed.

**That was the last chapter. You likie? More reviews! Rabid Chipmunks ROCK! Thanks for all the reviews on this story! I am starting a new story tomorrow. Check it out! Its called never letting go. Its actually really sad, not funny. **


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